Fitness and God

I am not a morning person. And I like things a certain way. Quiet. After a night's noiseless sleep, I need to assimilate to sound over a period of time. A long period of time. So when I get to the fitness center in the morning the first thing I want to do is turn all the TV's off. And I can if I'm the first one there which is rare. I am usually second, sometimes third. So while the others are tuned in to Saved By the Bell, I turn one of the sets to American Morning - a CNN news show. I turn the volume to mute since there's closed captioning on the screen. Meanwhile Screech and the rest of those idiots are laugh-tracking their way through another mundane half-hour of regurgitated teen angst. I'm always hopeful that my gym buddies will take the hint and tune in to the FM station that is plastered to the front of the TV that allows you to hear the television on your headphones. Which brings me to my next issue. If you have your headphones on- which my gym buddies do, then why do you need to blast the television?! I don't get it. Is there some sort of appeal to listening to music and the television at the same time? I wish someone could explain it to me.

Then there's the resolutionist. A resolutionist is one of those people who show up at the gym during January and eventually (usually within the first two weeks of the year) they disappear along with their New Year's resolution plans. This resolutionist was hanging on for dear life. Here it was, February and she had gone from three times a week to twice a week and is now down to once a week. She should disappear for good soon. Normally I don't care if they are there or not taking up space, even with their inevitable fate. But this one showed up with her bouffant hair and fancy sweats like she was going to a party not to the gym. Now I know that sounds really judgmental but when I tried to describe her to some of my co-workers I discovered that they already had a nickname for her - disco queen! How appropriate and how sweet the validation was for me.

So disco queen would walk on the treadmill and she insists on turning the television to a televangelist! T.D. Jakes is the name of the show. The assault to my brain with this manipulative crap was hard to take. But I really tried to be open-minded and less judgmental. So I started taking mental notes of the subject matter of the show since that first January day. Who knows, I thought, maybe they give good advice. Maybe they teach you important bible lessons. Maybe they speak in a way that motivates one to become a better person, a kinder, gentler Christian. Spirituality, inspiration, devotion to a higher power, I'm game.

The first episode I saw back in January was about those same new year's resolutions that we all make. The woman speaker was telling the audience that one should be careful to budget their money and be responsible. A good lesson I thought. And then the sermon turned to making certain that when you budget that money you make sure T.D. Jakes is part of that budget. Be responsible. The next episode I saw was about the many, many viewers that watched the television show. They were in the millions, and congratulations to all those devoted followers for their dedication. But keep in mind that it costs lots of money to put on a cable show like this one so you better make sure you send in your money. I was thinking to myself, yeah and I bet that Armani suit you're wearing wasn't cheap either. Or that gold throne that you're sitting on. I stopped paying attention to the show for a while after that, I was feeling the bitterness swell in my throat whenever I saw that familiar face on the tv screen so it was best I stopped listening. But over the course of the month, I discovered that every episode had one thing in common, you better send us money. I never heard a bible lesson or an example of any good works that they do.

At least I can honestly judge this show by my own personal experience now. When I never actually saw the shows and called these people heathens and thieves I really didn't know what I was taking about, now I know for certain what kind of heathens and thieves they really are.