Two months ago today, I lost my job. Since the day it happened, I haven't talked about it. I still don't want to talk about it. Jeff is worried that one of these days I am going to have a major meltdown. Sometimes he is waiting on pins and needles for me to crack. I'm not going to. I know I'm not. A funny thing happened the day my company told me they were reorganizing and eliminating not only my job, but my department. I didn't care. I packed my stuff up took it home and started doing projects I like. I think that maybe it is a sign that I didn't belong there in the first place.
I urethaned furniture, did gardening, cleaned up the garage and some stuff in the basement. I even sorted through all my Christmas decorations. It was May and I was sorting Christmas crap. It felt good. All those little projects that waited for sometime to come were getting done. You would think I would be happier. But I'm not. I feel unsettled. I am doing everything I've dreamed of. Nothing when I want to do nothing. Quilting when I want to quilt. House projects when I really feel ambitious. But something is missing. Maybe it's guilt because I am doing exactly what I want. Every day is perfect. Or maybe I am waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I do think I know what the problem is. I am a creature of habit. I love structure and routine. And I currently do not have a routine. I think I have to work on that. I better put it on my to-do list.
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Work. Show all posts
I went to a funeral tonight for a nice man that I worked with for about 4 years. His name is Mike Petrick and he looked like a cross between Santa Claus and a ZZ Top band member. He was a large pleasant man who had a happy disposition. He rode a Harley in his younger years, but once he had to give it up, his free time was devoted to the races, the Packers, and his friends at the local bar. For Mike, that bar was Sparky's in Cudahy. And that's where his retirement party was held last July. The place was pretty full of the locals who all knew Mike. Apparently, he had a Sparky's family besides his real family. It was a good time but then everything we did with Mike was a good time. We saw him at festivals, his favorite being Summerfest, he enjoyed every opportunity for a good time.
Not long after Mike retired, he had a heart attack. It took a long time, but he recovered from that event and changed his life. Before the heart attack, he ate Fritos every day, along with a variety of things that were not healthy, but he changed all that to recover. Even though he cut back on some of the things that were bad for him he still had the races and the Packers games. On the day he died, he was heading to Racine to watch the races with his friends. He blacked out behind the wheel of his car and hit a tree. The paramedics were called and he was coherent but on the way to the hospital he had a massive heart attack and died. The doctors think his defibrillator fired which made him black out at the beginning of the heart attack that killed him.
One of my fondest memories of hanging out with Mike was at The Wicked Hop where we had many after-work parties. Mike was fond of another co-worker, Raquel. In the course of the evening, he bought her one of every type of martini that was on the drink menu. Since there were so many, she shared them with me. It was a crazy night, and by the end of it both me and Raquel were on Mike's lap while he pretended to be Santa Claus.
The funeral was a little different than most. There was no clergy so his sister spoke first, stating that she didn't know about Mike's relationship with God - that was between Mike and God so she was going to talk about his life, then Mike's niece read a poem, his best friend spoke, followed by Mike's brother. The service ended with the Lord's prayer. After the service we got balloons, there were 64 of them, one for each year of Mike's life so some of us had to share since there were so many people there. We then headed to the parking lot to release them all at the same time, followed by a shot of Jack Daniels. It felt like an appropriate end to honor a nice man. It's too bad he couldn't been with us longer, his gentle nature will be missed.
Not long after Mike retired, he had a heart attack. It took a long time, but he recovered from that event and changed his life. Before the heart attack, he ate Fritos every day, along with a variety of things that were not healthy, but he changed all that to recover. Even though he cut back on some of the things that were bad for him he still had the races and the Packers games. On the day he died, he was heading to Racine to watch the races with his friends. He blacked out behind the wheel of his car and hit a tree. The paramedics were called and he was coherent but on the way to the hospital he had a massive heart attack and died. The doctors think his defibrillator fired which made him black out at the beginning of the heart attack that killed him.
One of my fondest memories of hanging out with Mike was at The Wicked Hop where we had many after-work parties. Mike was fond of another co-worker, Raquel. In the course of the evening, he bought her one of every type of martini that was on the drink menu. Since there were so many, she shared them with me. It was a crazy night, and by the end of it both me and Raquel were on Mike's lap while he pretended to be Santa Claus.
The funeral was a little different than most. There was no clergy so his sister spoke first, stating that she didn't know about Mike's relationship with God - that was between Mike and God so she was going to talk about his life, then Mike's niece read a poem, his best friend spoke, followed by Mike's brother. The service ended with the Lord's prayer. After the service we got balloons, there were 64 of them, one for each year of Mike's life so some of us had to share since there were so many people there. We then headed to the parking lot to release them all at the same time, followed by a shot of Jack Daniels. It felt like an appropriate end to honor a nice man. It's too bad he couldn't been with us longer, his gentle nature will be missed.
Now that my boss is MIA, me and my co-workers have to report to the manager of the application development department. He has combined his department and mine so that we all get together for weekly project status meetings. In the past few weeks, the three of us women would show up to the meetings, we would discuss our projects then we would leave and he would continue his meeting with the rest of his staff. This week the manager decided that we would rotate around the table, not singling us women out first.
This is a story about yesterday's status meeting.
Understanding the development group is not an easy thing. There are six men in the department. All have different quirks, as most people do, and the stereotype "computer geek" definitely applies to each of them in varying degrees. One guy looks like Elvis, another I like to call Comic Book Guy (see any episode of the Simpsons), and another reminds me of a cross between Louis Skolnick and Gilbert Lowell from Revenge of the Nerds. They like to talk about things like comic book heroes (obviously), the Lord of the Rings books, Star Wars and Star Trek, as well as get involved in discussions where they can argue theory and logic with furvor. With that said, I imagine their experience involving dating/relationships with women to be quite limited. I think I was right.
I was seated between Comic Book Guy and Elvis when the meeting started. I had my legs crossed where my foot was dangling under the table. Elvis decided to ever so gently bump my dangling foot. I thought it was an accident until he kicked me two more times. So I uncrossed my legs.
When it came to my turn to speak Comic Book Guy decided to slowly and deliberately push on the seat of my swivel chair. The chair moved until the left arm bumped into the table. I thought it was just centrifugal force moving the chair so I just scooted back to my original position. Until it happened again. Of course, I was speaking so I was half-paying attention to CBG's arm reaching towards the back of the chair to move it again. Bam. Into the table we go. Elvis was snickering.
When I realized what was actually happening, I had re-crossed my legs. So I took the dangling foot and gave CBG a soft kick in the shin. I was just trying to make him stop pushing on my chair. He immediately howled, "OUCH! She kicked me!"
Oh for God sakes, I thought. So I asked out loud, "What is wrong with you?!"
The response: "I didn't do nothing."
Elvis looked down and CBG folded his hands in his lap. Apparently the department manager was used to this type of behavior by these boys so he just ignored it all. It felt like I was in the 6th grade again with boys who somehow knew that had an interest in girls, but they just couldn't figure out why quite yet.
I was waiting for one of them to pull my hair and snap my bra.
This is a story about yesterday's status meeting.
Understanding the development group is not an easy thing. There are six men in the department. All have different quirks, as most people do, and the stereotype "computer geek" definitely applies to each of them in varying degrees. One guy looks like Elvis, another I like to call Comic Book Guy (see any episode of the Simpsons), and another reminds me of a cross between Louis Skolnick and Gilbert Lowell from Revenge of the Nerds. They like to talk about things like comic book heroes (obviously), the Lord of the Rings books, Star Wars and Star Trek, as well as get involved in discussions where they can argue theory and logic with furvor. With that said, I imagine their experience involving dating/relationships with women to be quite limited. I think I was right.
I was seated between Comic Book Guy and Elvis when the meeting started. I had my legs crossed where my foot was dangling under the table. Elvis decided to ever so gently bump my dangling foot. I thought it was an accident until he kicked me two more times. So I uncrossed my legs.
When it came to my turn to speak Comic Book Guy decided to slowly and deliberately push on the seat of my swivel chair. The chair moved until the left arm bumped into the table. I thought it was just centrifugal force moving the chair so I just scooted back to my original position. Until it happened again. Of course, I was speaking so I was half-paying attention to CBG's arm reaching towards the back of the chair to move it again. Bam. Into the table we go. Elvis was snickering.
When I realized what was actually happening, I had re-crossed my legs. So I took the dangling foot and gave CBG a soft kick in the shin. I was just trying to make him stop pushing on my chair. He immediately howled, "OUCH! She kicked me!"
Oh for God sakes, I thought. So I asked out loud, "What is wrong with you?!"
The response: "I didn't do nothing."
Elvis looked down and CBG folded his hands in his lap. Apparently the department manager was used to this type of behavior by these boys so he just ignored it all. It felt like I was in the 6th grade again with boys who somehow knew that had an interest in girls, but they just couldn't figure out why quite yet.
I was waiting for one of them to pull my hair and snap my bra.
So the boss hasn't been mentioned for a long time. I wonder if he is coming back. The guy who is filling in for him is great. Maybe that's a sign of better things to come. Or maybe not. Lately I don't have enough to do. I requested involvement in a big project that is coming our way only to be denied. It seems that even though I have lots of experience with implementation of new software systems, because I haven't worked with this specific vendor I'm just not qualified. So the plan is to hire 3 "experienced" people to do the work. Did I mention I have nothing to do? So what a great idea! Hire more people and I have nothing to do. I need to find a new job.
Work has been frustrating lately. The boss is out on sick leave. We don't get the privilege of knowing what exactly is wrong with him, just that he will be out for 6 to 8 weeks. Of course, it is his right to privacy but every once in a while we get a little hint of a suggestion of whatever it is that is bothering him. The rumors run from the big C-word to mental illness. Since he has shown up in the office for an hour or two looking just fine, verified by senior management that he has no symptoms, the rumors are exacerbated along the lines of mental illness.
My co-workers and I have caught him in a variety of inaccuracies so current thought is that the man has lost track of the tales he has weaved and can't keep track of who he says what to so he is suffering from a combination of guilt and shame. Which is in keeping with the mental illness rumor...
My personal experience has to do with something he told be about his calendar. To preface the story, the day before I asked about the calendar we had a departmental meeting where he explained that he is traveling often to gain some new clients in the area of quality assurance. We are a software hosting company in the long term health care industry and the software vendors that we do business with are a source for him. The concept of doing QA work for these vendors makes sense and would make our department more than just overhead, but a resource for revenue. Sounds like a good idea to me.
I am new to this QA department so this man is in the process of training me. He told me to book some time on his calendar to spend some time together going over a project. I told him I struggled to find time on his calendar because he was so heavliy booked. Half of his day was filled with school open houses in the Chicago area. I didn't quite understand this, I thought maybe he was a teacher as well as the director here. So I asked him, "Are you a teacher?" I thought it would be really cool if he said yes, I would like to hear more if he was. I have a high respect for teachers. He said, no knowing exactly where I was coming from (his calendar). He explained to me that those were his potential clients. He said, "Remember yesterday I mentioned that I am in the process of trying to gain new clients for the business?" I said, "Oh, OK" quite confused by this answer. Based on our senior management's philosophy called the Hedgehog concept which boils down to doing one thing well, this didn't quite fit. Plus he said he was traveling to Tennessee and Washington DC, what would that possibly have to do with Chicago area schools? Hmmm....
I started to do some research. Google is a great resource. I discovered that this man has a tutoring business on the side. That explains all the school open houses. He must be trying to sell his tutoring service to the schools as a resource for students. Both his home and company are located in Chicago, so it was all fitting together. I looked at his calendar again and noticed that he is here when some of these events occur. Strange. But he was usually in a conference call in his office at the exact same time listed on his calendar. Other times he just wasn't here. By the way, Google also revealed another business that the man is in selling real estate. His expertise: Senior Living.
What I don't understand is why he would tell me a lie. It's obvious that we are NOT going into the business of doing QA work for schools. My co-workers were also feeling a little uneasy because of the events of late. After some discussion with them, it seems they also felt a sense of betrayal by some of the things this man has said. We did not get into too much detail, some things are better left unspoken. And now he is out on medical leave leaving us all wondering about many things, including our own welfare within the company. Anyway I don't care if he has other business ventures, except when I need him and he's not here. Otherwise, it doesn't really matter to me as long as I get a fair shake at work. Based on some of the things my co-workers are saying, they aren't getting a fair shake. It's too soon for me to tell.
My co-workers and I have caught him in a variety of inaccuracies so current thought is that the man has lost track of the tales he has weaved and can't keep track of who he says what to so he is suffering from a combination of guilt and shame. Which is in keeping with the mental illness rumor...
My personal experience has to do with something he told be about his calendar. To preface the story, the day before I asked about the calendar we had a departmental meeting where he explained that he is traveling often to gain some new clients in the area of quality assurance. We are a software hosting company in the long term health care industry and the software vendors that we do business with are a source for him. The concept of doing QA work for these vendors makes sense and would make our department more than just overhead, but a resource for revenue. Sounds like a good idea to me.
I am new to this QA department so this man is in the process of training me. He told me to book some time on his calendar to spend some time together going over a project. I told him I struggled to find time on his calendar because he was so heavliy booked. Half of his day was filled with school open houses in the Chicago area. I didn't quite understand this, I thought maybe he was a teacher as well as the director here. So I asked him, "Are you a teacher?" I thought it would be really cool if he said yes, I would like to hear more if he was. I have a high respect for teachers. He said, no knowing exactly where I was coming from (his calendar). He explained to me that those were his potential clients. He said, "Remember yesterday I mentioned that I am in the process of trying to gain new clients for the business?" I said, "Oh, OK" quite confused by this answer. Based on our senior management's philosophy called the Hedgehog concept which boils down to doing one thing well, this didn't quite fit. Plus he said he was traveling to Tennessee and Washington DC, what would that possibly have to do with Chicago area schools? Hmmm....
I started to do some research. Google is a great resource. I discovered that this man has a tutoring business on the side. That explains all the school open houses. He must be trying to sell his tutoring service to the schools as a resource for students. Both his home and company are located in Chicago, so it was all fitting together. I looked at his calendar again and noticed that he is here when some of these events occur. Strange. But he was usually in a conference call in his office at the exact same time listed on his calendar. Other times he just wasn't here. By the way, Google also revealed another business that the man is in selling real estate. His expertise: Senior Living.
What I don't understand is why he would tell me a lie. It's obvious that we are NOT going into the business of doing QA work for schools. My co-workers were also feeling a little uneasy because of the events of late. After some discussion with them, it seems they also felt a sense of betrayal by some of the things this man has said. We did not get into too much detail, some things are better left unspoken. And now he is out on medical leave leaving us all wondering about many things, including our own welfare within the company. Anyway I don't care if he has other business ventures, except when I need him and he's not here. Otherwise, it doesn't really matter to me as long as I get a fair shake at work. Based on some of the things my co-workers are saying, they aren't getting a fair shake. It's too soon for me to tell.
We went out for the first time with my new department. It was a bowling party. Luckily for me it was held at Olympic Lanes, close to home. I haven't been in the place for years and it was wonderfully updated, bright and cheery, very well ventilated. I am happy to report that I bowled a 189, 188, and a 183 game. At the end of bowling we were served pizzas. I have to find out where they are from. They were really good.
We headed to the bar as soon as our games were complete. By then half the bowlers had left leaving those of us with no ties to anything else on a Friday night. Although I was invited to another after-work party down at the Ale House. If the weather was better (it was raining and sleeting outside) I would consider going back downtown if this party didn't turn out to be interesting. But since the weather sucked, it's going to be here or home.
The bar was a great time. After a few Corona Lights (bonus! they have the light beer) I was relaxed and having a great time. I wasn't so sure some of these people even knew who I was but apparently I was wrong. Maybe it's just the nature of their work or their intenseness on the job that gave me the feeling that I was invisible to them. Anyway, I was wrong they knew who I was. Just knowing that will make me feel better, more comfortable at work.
We chatted with a few people, getting to know them better. The really cool thing is that I discovered that one of my co-workers also bowls on my HOG league. That is too funny. Here we're into the third month of bowling and I never knew that. Of course in the HOG league we don't get to bowl against all the teams so there's a chance I would have never known she was there if we didn't talk about it here.
There were so many nice people but I already knew that. Bowling just was verification of what I already knew.
We headed to the bar as soon as our games were complete. By then half the bowlers had left leaving those of us with no ties to anything else on a Friday night. Although I was invited to another after-work party down at the Ale House. If the weather was better (it was raining and sleeting outside) I would consider going back downtown if this party didn't turn out to be interesting. But since the weather sucked, it's going to be here or home.
The bar was a great time. After a few Corona Lights (bonus! they have the light beer) I was relaxed and having a great time. I wasn't so sure some of these people even knew who I was but apparently I was wrong. Maybe it's just the nature of their work or their intenseness on the job that gave me the feeling that I was invisible to them. Anyway, I was wrong they knew who I was. Just knowing that will make me feel better, more comfortable at work.
We chatted with a few people, getting to know them better. The really cool thing is that I discovered that one of my co-workers also bowls on my HOG league. That is too funny. Here we're into the third month of bowling and I never knew that. Of course in the HOG league we don't get to bowl against all the teams so there's a chance I would have never known she was there if we didn't talk about it here.
There were so many nice people but I already knew that. Bowling just was verification of what I already knew.
My friend Chad sends me a link to this website www.berbee.com and says check out this job I just interviewed for. So I click on the link and it's a company that handles hardware, software, networking services, and support services to other companies. It's just like my company! Oh shit...I'm gonna get fired for looking this up!
He really wanted my input and I told him since he's an IT guy working at a bank he would be better off being an IT guy working for an IT company. Since I knew something about the environment I told him the energy, company philosophy, and the availability of great computer knowledge would inspire him. He would be a techy geek living in a whole world of others like himself. And there's nothing like the common bond of a community of people who share the same passion for techydom as we do. Unlike being the square peg fitting into the banker's circle.
So hopefully he will get the fulfillment he is looking for in this new adventure because if management finds out I visited this link, I might need him to get me a job!
He really wanted my input and I told him since he's an IT guy working at a bank he would be better off being an IT guy working for an IT company. Since I knew something about the environment I told him the energy, company philosophy, and the availability of great computer knowledge would inspire him. He would be a techy geek living in a whole world of others like himself. And there's nothing like the common bond of a community of people who share the same passion for techydom as we do. Unlike being the square peg fitting into the banker's circle.
So hopefully he will get the fulfillment he is looking for in this new adventure because if management finds out I visited this link, I might need him to get me a job!
Today was the first day of my new job. Somehow I had visions of new beginnings, hoopla, pomp and circumstance. The reality was a half-staffed office, absences due to yesterday being Independence Day, with those of us remaining still recovering from too much sunshine, alcoholic beverages, and lack of sleep from hearing firecrackers go off late into the night.
I don't know why I thought things would be different, that I would be different. There I was, muddling through some new information but feeling like nothing had really changed from the week before. Some moments I feel lost and afraid I won't be good enough at others I feel like this is going to be a piece of cake. I know I need to relax and give it time but I'm wondering if I made the right decision. I hate self-doubt. It's so repressing and counter-productive. Arrrgh!
I don't know why I thought things would be different, that I would be different. There I was, muddling through some new information but feeling like nothing had really changed from the week before. Some moments I feel lost and afraid I won't be good enough at others I feel like this is going to be a piece of cake. I know I need to relax and give it time but I'm wondering if I made the right decision. I hate self-doubt. It's so repressing and counter-productive. Arrrgh!
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