We went to our first Compassionate Friends meeting last night. It wasn't easy. I was ready to back out and Bailee was ready to go. So it was good to have that little push to get me out the door. When we pulled into the Community Center parking lot, it was a different story. She didn't want to get out of the car. From her heavy sighs, I could tell this was very tough for her. I got out and told her I understood if she wanted to go back home. I suggested that we go in and say hi to Tom then we can go back home if she wants. But we stayed.
The meeting was big; there were many people there, which is too bad. That just means lots of sorrow, lots of losses. There was a couple there who also lost a baby to SIDS. It was nice to hear others talk about hope, feelings of sadness, feelings of frustration, fear, and disbelief. All the same things I think about. It is true that this group makes me feel less alone but I don't feel like we belong either.
Compassionate Friends is for people who lost a child, and more than half of these people lost grown up children, not babies or toddlers, or young people. And I couldn't really connect with those whose children had grown up to have children and have all the experiences that our baby will never know. It just doesn't feel quite like we fit real well with this group.
I did feel bad for the couple who lost their son to the war in Iraq, the man whose 14 year old daughter was killed in a snowmobile accident, and the woman whose baby lived for a day. In fact she brought birthday treats because her son would have been 1 year old this month.
I did get something out of it, no doubt about that, but I thought it would be different. We will go back next month to see if we can connect with the other SIDS couple.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
Kathy,
I'm glad that you took that first step by going to The Compassionate Friends meeting. I had two children, 8 year-old Stephanie and 5 year-old Stephen who died in an auto accident 18 years ago. After being a chapter leader for several years, I now work for the National Office. I'd just like to make a few observations. We do always recommend attending three meetings to see if the group is right for you.
We had parents of all ages attend our chapter meetings. And they had lost children from infants to adult children. But the fact is, every loss is different and yet the same--the loss of hopes and dreams. I think it's important to realize that we can all learn from each other such skills as how to cope, how to handle holidays, how to handle birthdays and death dates, etc.
Others will learn from you and you will learn from others. I hope you find the support you're seeking.
You may want to consider attending TCF's National Conference in Portland, Oregon August 6-8. There will be workshops of a general nature that will apply to everyone. And there will be specialized workshops that will aim at different groups--such as those who have had an infant die. There will be alot of people there, but a lot of support also.
You may also want to consider visiting TCF's Online Support Community (OSC). There is a Tuesday session from 9-10 p.m. Eastern Time for Pregnancy/Infant Death. The rooms are moderated and many people like this type of support atmosphere. To find out more, go to www.compassionatefriends.org. Then under "Resources" you'll find a dropdown menu and the first item is Online Support. All the details are there.
I wish you peace and gentle courage.
Post a Comment