Never is a long time

It’s funny how a few unrelated events can start you thinking about the things you choose and do not choose to do. Today I’m thinking about the path not chosen, the things I’ve never done.

It all started last night at an after work party. A co-worker who practices, for lack of a better phrase to describe him, apathetic professionalism by day turns into a dedicated tequila aficionado by night. He taught me to appreciate Petrone tequila, shaken not stirred, served in a chilled glass. It is so smooth I instantly knew it would bring nothing but trouble.

As Petrone man’s temperament changed with each glass of his wicked substance he got a little louder and a lot funnier. And somehow the subject of mooning came up. He asked, “Have you ever mooned?” Another co-worker answered, “No”. The response raised Petrone man’s pitch level by at least 10 decibels when he spoke. “EVERYBODY’S MOONED! WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?”

He turned to the crowed and started asking, not exactly talking to anyone in particular, “and YOU’VE MOONED, RIGHT?” Spectators both within our group and the general crowd all shook their heads in affirmation. No one wanted to argue since Petrone man was so very boisterous. So I sat, head shaking up and down in agreement, just like everyone else. But when I think about really mooning someone, I never have. Except for Jeff on my way to getting into the shower just to be a tease but I don’t think that really counts. Jeff, on the other hand….I will save that story for another time. I hate when I succumb to peer pressure but in this case, it seemed the wiser choice than an argument with the unreasonability brought on by tequila.

This morning Bailee started to cut the grass, her usual Saturday morning activity. As I watched her through the upstairs window I started to think about the conversations of the night before and the mooning talk. I could hear the phrase in my head, “Everybody’s mooned!” thinking no, everyone has not. Then I thought to myself, I’ve never cut the grass either. It’s one of my deep, dark secrets; I am terrified of the lawn mower. So I will never cut the grass, ever. These thoughts started making me think about other things I’ve never done. I’m talking about things considered ordinary. Although mooning is probably not considered an ordinary event to some. Is never a bad thing?

Back in the 70’s streaking was popular, I’ve never streaked but I knew some kids who did. I’ve never tried smoking. I’ve never eaten lobster. I’ve never scuba dived. Maybe that last one is not too common. I’ve never been stung by a bee, and I’ve never broken a bone. There are so many nevers that I want to change, I’ve never run a marathon but I’m working on it, I’ve never been to Europe and I hope to get there sometime. I guess there is something to the saying, never say never.