If it's almost a sport

It's raining right now. When it rains it limits the things I can do. I can't go running, I can't do any gardening, I can't do anything outside. I've always found myself desperate in the summer. Since the season is so short here in Wisconsin, I feel the need to spend every possible moment outdoors. Unfortunately my preoccupation means things are left undone in the house and now that I have no choice, I cannot decide which things should get done first. So instead of sewing a new cover for the hammock, balancing my checkbook, or vacuuming the cobwebs off the ceiling, I sit mesmerized by indecision and channel surf.

I do not like watching television so I usually end up disgusted with myself when I waste time viewing it. So here I sit channel surfing. I've come across things I consider so incredibly stupid that I can't believe people actually watch. Like poker. People actually play poker on tv. And people watch! I don't get it.

The show that really stopped me in my tracks was paintball. There are paintball games on. At the risk of sounding redundant...people actually watch this stuff? I don't understand why. What is it that would make someone watch paintball? Of course it's on ESPN, the sports network.

It reminded me of one of my favorite movies - Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. The weird thing about the movie is that Ben Stiller is in it and I can't stand him. Usually I won't watch anything with him in it, but maybe because he's the bad guy who ultimately gets his in the end makes it ok. I think the rest of the cast makes up for Stiller's presence. The characters are so whacked and amusing that it makes the movie really funny. The story is about a dodgeball tournament and it is being televised on a made-up network called ESPN 8- The Ocho. The commentators are played by Gary Cole and Jason Bateman and they are hilarious. The ESPN 8 motto is, "If it almost a sport, you'll find it here on The Ocho!"

So I'm checking out this paintball tournament and thinking to myself...if it's almost a sport, yadda, yadda, yadda! It seemed a bizarre yet fitting comparison. And I laughed to myself. Now if I came across the Dodgeball movie when I was channel surfing, I would have sat down and watched it but instead the television is turned off. Good thing, I can get something done around here while the I have the opportunity.