Self-serve...really??

I don't know why I get so irritated the moment I step into a store. Today I went to Lowe's and everything was ok especially since I had a specific list of items so all I had to do is pick them up. I even bought a can of paint and the clerk was pleasant and very quickly mixed up my order and I was on my way. It did help that it was early in the morning before the many throngs of people were up and about.

Then I got to the checkout line. I really love the concept of self-service checkout. Too bad its only a good concept. Reality is something very different. Every time I get to these checkouts a clerk jumps into action in an overly helpful way. And I do understand that they are only trying to help. But how am I ever going to learn how to use these things when they never give me a chance? Here's how it went:

Computer: Choose Language.

I chose English.

Computer: Scan First Item.

I scanned my gallon of paint and set it next to the bagging area.

Computer: Scan Next Item.

I scanned paint roller covers and threw them into a bag.

Computer: Scan Next Item.

I scanned a small package of washers and threw them in the bag.

Computer: Bag item.

Clerk: Presses button on screen before I can read what it says.

I say, "What just happened?"

She says, "Just scan your next item."

I scan another small bag of washers.

Computer: Bag item.

Here comes the long arm of the perky clerk in my face to push the buttons so I cannot read what the screen says again.

I say, "What just happened?"

She says, "Just scan your next item."

I frustratedly scan another small bag of I don't even remember what anymore because I am too annoyed.

Computer: Bag item.

I say, "What just happened?" Only this time I'm blocking Perky's arm from reaching the screen so there's nothing left for her to do but explain it to me.

She says, "When you put the item in the bag, the computer is weighing it and since those little packages have no weight it's not registering. And the computer keeps track of your items by weight.

Now that makes sense.

So this time I let her hit the override item so I can move on. Now was that so damn difficult? I mean, I may be blonde but I can follow instructions if I am allowed to even read the instructions.

Computer: Scan Next Item.

I scan my new grill cover and since it's a pretty big package I'm tempted to throw it back into the cart. But I now know that if I do, the weight of the item won't register so I throw it next to the bag so the computer can give me my next instruction.

I choose the button to check out and the total is calculated on the screen.

Perky is standing by just in case I'm too stupid to read.

I choose the debit card button.

Computer: Scan card.

Here comes Perky....I quickly scan the card before she catches up with me just so I can prove I don't need her.

Computer: Transaction Approved.

I yank my receipt before Perky can grab it and hand it to me, pick up my bag and I'm out the door.

She says, "Thank you, have a nice day!"

I say under my breath, "Shut up."