Mother's Day

Mother's Day came and went in the most difficult fashion. It was the most terrible day since the baby died. Bailee called a few days earlier and asked what I was doing Sunday knowing my desire to celebrate any holidays is gone. I told her I would do whatever she wanted to do, no matter what. She just wanted to spend the day with us.

Jeff made blintzes for breakfast, one of her favorite things. I thought I would distract her for the day by canning a batch of jalapeno carrots, another of her favorites so we went to the store early to get the ingredients. Bailee got to the house and instantly started to cry. I could tell that she probably cried on her way over since her face was red and swollen when she walked in the door. So we cried it out together. I gave her the flowers we bought for her then we had breakfast.

We headed to the kitchen where we finished the dishes together and started on the carrots. I got her to peel 5 pounds of carrots while I prepped the canning jars. By the time she finished, I had the jars ready and the onions, garlic, and jalapenos chopped up and ready to go. We used the salad shooter to thin-slice the carrots and started filling the jars. Bailee filled them with all the ingredients, I covered them and started the canning process. This was something she always wanted to learn and then she got the added bonus of taking some jars home with her.

Once we started to boil the jars, Jen, Matt, and Matt's mom Marliyn came over. I offered them a beverage and we sat at the kitchen table while waiting for the jars to finish. Jen brought a lovely gift, one of the foody events that we both enjoy. I can't wait to do this Milwaukee food tour. It is a great gift. Jen also brought her sister a handmade photo album filled with baby photos. It was beautiful, thoughtful and made everyone cry. This day is so hard and so sad.

As we completed all the jars, I moved them out of the way and served some snacks. Jen, Matt, and Marilyn were ready to head out but not before giving us some more cool Harley stuff from work. I got a new rain suit which I really wanted. Just as they were leaving there was someone at the door. It was such a wonderful surprise, Nick came to see me! He gave me a big hug and told me how much he loves his 'second mom'. It was so good to see him and it made me cry. He handed me a plain white envelope and it contained a gift certificate for the Packing House, our favorite place. It was from both Nick and BJ. What a surprise!

Nick stayed for a little while. He worked long hours all week and right through Saturday and he wanted to rest for the remainder of the day. After he left Jeff made Bailee corn on the cob and tenderloin steak. More of her favorites. He just wanted to spoil her as best as possible. So the final thing was a piece of Simma's cheesecake that we got for her at Sendik's earlier in the day.

Around 6pm Bailee packed up her things and headed home. I felt a little relieved that we could help her get through this most difficult day. She said she will probably cry all the way home and that wouldn't really surprise me. She talked about bringing the baby's urn with her today but I am glad she didn't. I think it gives her comfort to have him near, but for me I find it terribly traumatic. Our lives are hard enough so I don't need any encouragement when it comes to pain.

And now the day's over, but I don't feel any better.