Having BJ home for a week was a whirlwind of activities. We spent Monday and Wednesday at the Brewers' game, Thursday at the golf course in Iron Mountain, and Saturday on a Sprecher tour. We squeezed in as much as we could. We had a group lunch at Sobelman's, went miniature golfing, and enjoyed his company and his many friends. I think we miss his friends almost as much as he does. .JPG)
The Monday game was the most fun, 30 of his friends all together at the same time. What a good time! We tailgated and even had our own port-a-john. It was purple so we named it Barney. While waiting for everyone to gather to drive into the stadium parking lot, Jeff walked over to Menard's and bought a step-ladder to get to the port-a-john since it was in the back of Khanh's dad's truck. The game was great (the Brewers won), the kids were a little obnoxious, making it even more fun, and everyone had a blast. At the end of the week it was hard to say good-bye. Even though he was home for 10 days, it seemed like he just got here.
I came home last week to find a bird's nest perched in the wreath on the front porch. I peeked in the nest and it was empty. Considering that it's almost June, I assumed this nest was already used and the birds were done with it. Especially since the week before I saw the nest, I found a broken robin's egg under the bushes. I figured I would leave the nest there as part of the decor. When I remembered the broken robin's egg under the bushes, I decided to place it into the used nest. Just as I gently picked up the broken egg to set in in the nest I discovered there were two eggs in the nest! I peeked again the next day to find three eggs. I waited until there were no neighbors around, I really do not want to draw attention to this for fear of something bad happening, so when no one was around I took a photo of mom sitting on the nest.
This morning mom robin left the nest, probably to get some food. It rained last night and there were plenty of worms available for her. I got up on a wicker chair on the porch to get a good look at the eggs with my camera in my hand. Much to my amazement, there were a total of four eggs! What a beautiful sight to see and I hope I can get a shot of the babies when they finally hatch. By my calculations, the babies should be here next weekend.
Today there was a health fair at work. The company brings in vendors such as the YMCA, a massage studio, Weight Watcher’s, and representatives from their health insurer, vision care, dental, and employee assistance. The health fair also offers health screening services. As an incentive, they give you a numbered card that corresponds to the number of vendor/representatives who have tables to visit and if you get your card “stamped” by each vendor your name goes into a drawing for a $25 gift certificate towards your health care.
I do not subscribe to the health insurance offered by the company so I am not eligible for the prize – can’t take money off of something I don’t buy in the first place. Not that it would matter; I am really not interested in most of the vendor offerings anyway. I was interested in one of the screening services offered.
As part of the Health Fair, the screening services included glucose and cholesterol testing, body mass index, height, weight, and blood pressure checks were offered. On the flyers sent to all employees, there was a suggestion that read, “Avoid waiting in lines and make an appointment for your glucose, cholesterol, and body mass index testing”. I was not interested in any of these so I did not bother to call for an “appointment”.
I headed down to the Health Fair as soon as it opened for business. In our largest conference room, half the space was dedicated to the vendors/representatives and the other half had medical staff for the screening services. There were three people milling around in the vendor area when I got there. I went straight to the registration table where I was greeted with a smile and handed a tote bag with a granola bar in it. I was asked to write my name and phone extension on one of the blank numbered cards. I told the greeter that I didn’t want one; I was just there for a blood pressure check. She stared at me blankly, so I took the card, filled in my name and extension and walked into the conference room. I could clearly see the division between screening and vendors so I walked over to the first screening table to see if I had to fill out a form to get my blood pressure checked. The screener said yes, and handed me a form to complete that had four questions on it that all pertained to the drawing of blood. I answered them but reminded them that I just wanted my blood pressure checked.
Next thing you know, this woman who was accepting appointments for the glucose, cholesterol, body mass index testing states loudly that I Do NOT HAVE AN APPOINTMENT! I said, “No, I only want my blood pressure checked”. Again she stated, “But you don’t have an appointment!” I meekly mentioned that according to her flyer, I did not need an appointment for a blood pressure check. And I just want my blood pressure checked. The screener said it was OK, she would do it. I think she was embarrassed.
Then the appointment taker stated that there were three people in front of me who had appointments. I motioned dramatically towards the only three people in the room who did not seem to be waiting for appointments. In fact, one of them was the company’s Benefits Director who could see my frustration, and came running over firmly demanding that they just CHECK MY BLOOD PRESSURE. Finally!
By now, just imagine what kind of reading they would get. Since there were more screeners and vendors in the room than employees, everyone witnessed this. So three screeners had me sit down, relax, then they explained that they will take my blood pressure in 5 minutes to get a better reading.
After 5 minutes passed, the screener took the reading and wrote it on a piece of paper. She asked me to sit a while longer and she would take it again. After another few minutes she took it again and wrote the numbers down again. I never saw the numbers; she was writing them on the consent form I signed which was on the table behind me. Then the screener says to me, “Would you like me to take it a third time?”
I think my blood pressure went up dramatically just from the question. My response was, “I don’t know, you haven’t told me what the first two readings were!” She then proceeded to tell me that they were not allowed to say them out loud which is when she figured she should actually show me the paper she was writing on. 160/90, 154/88….gee, what a surprise! How can this be so complicated? I said yes, please take it again knowing very well it would not be good…155/82.
So much for the term “Health Fair”.
I got to the gym this morning with this overwhelming feeling of sadness, almost worse than yesterday. I couldn't place the feeling, didn't know why my mood was so overwhelmingly terrible. I thought Mother's Day was pretty terrible but today seems so much worse. I had my running clothes on, but I just couldn't do it. The temperature was 37 degrees this morning, cold but I have run in much colder temperatures. It was a good excuse to stay in and I was so weak it was all I needed to cave in. I hopped on the recumbant bike with my Kindle 2 and started to read. My headphones were on and the book was a great distraction. Except that the sad parts made me cry. I was a basket case. My friend Steve finished his workout on the treadmill and came over to the bike, put his arm on my shoulder and wished me a happy belated Mother's Day. I said thank you through many tears. I was out of control. I headed into the locker room and when I hit the shower, I sobbed for 20 minutes straight. I was glad no one shows up to the gym in the morning since I was so out of control. I slowly got dressed and headed to my desk. I made sure I had my headphones with me because I could not handle hearing about everyone's happy weekend. I didn't understand why my emotions were worse today. Marilyn stopped by to see if I was OK and of course, I was crying again. She understands more than most since her partner's son died last year. She is a seasoned griever of a child. I felt relief that most everyone knew not to ask me about yesterday. They seemed to understand that the answer was going to be pretty awful. I spent the evening deep in thought, reflecting on the past two days. I realized that today I was crying for me and for my loss. This was another event without the baby, no new milestones, just memories of a minute in time that will effect our eternity. Yesterday we cried for Bailee and her loss, we comforted her, cried with her, did the best we could for her. But today was about my own grief. It was like catching up with the feelings I had yesterday but had to suspend. It was my day to let it out.
Mother's Day came and went in the most difficult fashion. It was the most terrible day since the baby died. Bailee called a few days earlier and asked what I was doing Sunday knowing my desire to celebrate any holidays is gone. I told her I would do whatever she wanted to do, no matter what. She just wanted to spend the day with us. Jeff made blintzes for breakfast, one of her favorite things. I thought I would distract her for the day by canning a batch of jalapeno carrots, another of her favorites so we went to the store early to get the ingredients. Bailee got to the house and instantly started to cry. I could tell that she probably cried on her way over since her face was red and swollen when she walked in the door. So we cried it out together. I gave her the flowers we bought for her then we had breakfast. We headed to the kitchen where we finished the dishes together and started on the carrots. I got her to peel 5 pounds of carrots while I prepped the canning jars. By the time she finished, I had the jars ready and the onions, garlic, and jalapenos chopped up and ready to go. We used the salad shooter to thin-slice the carrots and started filling the jars. Bailee filled them with all the ingredients, I covered them and started the canning process. This was something she always wanted to learn and then she got the added bonus of taking some jars home with her. Once we started to boil the jars, Jen, Matt, and Matt's mom Marliyn came over. I offered them a beverage and we sat at the kitchen table while waiting for the jars to finish. Jen brought a lovely gift, one of the foody events that we both enjoy. I can't wait to do this Milwaukee food tour. It is a great gift. Jen also brought her sister a handmade photo album filled with baby photos. It was beautiful, thoughtful and made everyone cry. This day is so hard and so sad.As we completed all the jars, I moved them out of the way and served some snacks. Jen, Matt, and Marilyn were ready to head out but not before giving us some more cool Harley stuff from work. I got a new rain suit which I really wanted. Just as they were leaving there was someone at the door. It was such a wonderful surprise, Nick came to see me! He gave me a big hug and told me how much he loves his 'second mom'. It was so good to see him and it made me cry. He handed me a plain white envelope and it contained a gift certificate for the Packing House, our favorite place. It was from both Nick and BJ. What a surprise! Nick stayed for a little while. He worked long hours all week and right through Saturday and he wanted to rest for the remainder of the day. After he left Jeff made Bailee corn on the cob and tenderloin steak. More of her favorites. He just wanted to spoil her as best as possible. So the final thing was a piece of Simma's cheesecake that we got for her at Sendik's earlier in the day.Around 6pm Bailee packed up her things and headed home. I felt a little relieved that we could help her get through this most difficult day. She said she will probably cry all the way home and that wouldn't really surprise me. She talked about bringing the baby's urn with her today but I am glad she didn't. I think it gives her comfort to have him near, but for me I find it terribly traumatic. Our lives are hard enough so I don't need any encouragement when it comes to pain. And now the day's over, but I don't feel any better.
I got my new Kindle 2. It is the coolest little techy device I ever owned. I couldn't wait to get it, I saved for months by putting away my pool winnings. Between the football pools and other little things, I decided to put that money away until I had enough to buy this. It took quite a while but it was well worth the wait. Once I placed the order and I knew the Kindle was coming, I went to the Amazon website and started to look for books. I wanted my first purchase to be meaningful. I talked to the CFO at work who has one and I asked for his advice. Before I made the purchase I asked him how he liked it and his opinion was my deciding factor (Sony vs. Kindle). I don't want to make the Bible my first download, that seems a little pretentious. Anyway, his suggestion is to download the Federalist Papers so I do. I also downloaded The Divine Comedy as well. Getting sample books is a great little feature. I can download the first few chapters of a book for free before deciding if I want to buy it. It's pretty cool so I lined up many samples before I had the Kindle. The problem I have now is I don't know what to read first so I decided to start with the owner's manual.
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