My HOG

Taking over the HOG webmaster duties has been a pleasant surprise. I feel a sense of being a part of something that being just a member of the chapter didn't do for me. I think part of those feelings are the clickiness of the group. They claim they are trying to open up to others but the reality is that it doesn' work that way. And it's not that they are different from any other group, it's just part of human nature.

I do think that even if I didn't get involved with the web stuff eventually I would have worked my way in but it would have taken longer. They are nice people. The thing is I don't want to get too involved. I like that my opinion gets heard and that I provide a valuable service, but I don't want to end up spending my summer afternoons in the House of Harley parking lot selling hot dogs.

I like the challenge of doing the web although it can be frustrating. I wish I had more time so I could really jazz it up. It is definitely a work in progress. I would totally re-do the thing if I didn't have to work all day. The whole involvement thing doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand why it's so important for me to fit into this group. I prefer doing everything alone. It must be some sort of ying-yang thing where this gives me my group-belonging fix.

Jeff's boss

I can't stop thinking about Jeff's boss. He died yesterday of leukemia. His diagnosis came on November 16th so he didn't last very long. He always asked for people to pray for him, his updates on his situation were positive but between the lines there was a sense of acceptance that he could not be cured.

He was coughing and listless for a month before he finally went to the doctor. As soon as he went, they put him in the hospital thinking he had pneumonia. It wasn't until the next day that the results were in, leukemia.

He started treatment right away and it was brutal. He lost 50 pounds and all his energy was gone. He had a little reprieve, started feeling good, but he knew it was temporary until the next round of treatment. He had a long, hard road ahead of him but he was thinking about how he would get back to work by May.

As the treatment went on, it was working. A month-long hospital stay was nearing its end and his blood cells were improving when it happened. His kidneys failed. They couldn't handle all the brutality of the treatments.

He was only 48.

Run, run as fast as you can

All of a sudden running got really easy, almost boring. I wish the weather would get better so I could run outside, that would make things more challenging. This treadmill crap isn't helping since the timer only allows you to go for no more than 30 minutes. The view from the treadmill sucks too since it's still dark in the morning. Plus I really need to update my iPod. The playlists are getting old.
I'm signing up for a half marathon. It's time to take the next step, to challenge myself to a higher level than ever before. Maybe that will help relieve the boredom. But why does that scare me? I'm sure I can do it if I just apply myself. I mean I got to 18 miles a few years back. Unfortunately that's as far as I got. I wish I could get that drive back. Only I seem to have lost my mojo over the last few years.
Maybe I need to go back on the zoloft. I just don't know...I do know I have to stop rambling.

A present to myself

Tomorrow is my birthday. As a gift to myself I'm going to get my finances in order. Since going back to school, I've been struggling to pay back the student loans and actually save any cash. I get greedy and weak and end up charging up my credit cards. Well today I am cutting them up making it impossible to use anymore. It's time to do the right thing and get rid of my debt.