Today I attended the Fore Life, Fore Hope Golf Outing at Scenic View Country Club. This was a charity event to raise money for the Medical College of Wisconsin's cancer research center. The real reason I went was that a co-worker, John was the chairperson and I don't mind helping him out. Plus I like golf, even though I am not very good at it.
My foursome played decently, considering none of us golf much. But mostly we had fun. It was a gorgeous day and the course is in Holy Hill, where rolling hills are the norm so the view was fantastic. By the end of the day the sun did me in, and I was ready to call it quits before the last hole. I did finish, even though it was tough.
We got to the clubhouse where we had a nice banquet dinner and the golf prizes were awarded. On the course we had the opportunity to buy raffle tickets, and if you got the ball on the green in one, your raffle tickets were doubled. That didn't matter, none of us did it. Although we came close a few times. John stopped by to thank me for putting a foursome together and he let me know that he really appreciated it by giving me two extra raffle tickets. I pointed to the Cornhole game that he had as a prize and I told him jokingly I really hoped to win that. It looked like it was a lot higher quality than the ones at the game stores.
In the past year, at charity events that both John and I attended I've won a microwave oven, a trip for two (airfare and hotel), two $50 gift cards for local restaurants, and an overnight stay in a hotel suite. There were a few other small things as well so John is always teasing that he knows I'm going to win something!
I don't think about it, or hope for it, I just buy the tickets like everyone else. The raffle started and they called off number after number and finally, one of our foursome got a prize. I was glad because it was the newest member of our team. Three of us golfed together last year so it was cool that the new guy won. All the prizes were awarded except the last two. John looked at me with this, "what's up?" look, like I was supposed to automatically get a prize. I just rolled my eyes thinking fat chance, my luck can't hold out forever.
The second last prize was awarded. Then they brought out the Cornhole game and I said to my team, if there was a prize I could pick that would have been it - it's so cool. And the number was called. I popped up out of my chair hooting and cheering all the way up to the winner's table! It was mine and I could not believe it. John just shook his head.
Right before we were getting ready to leave he stopped by my table to congratulate me again and I mentioned that the winning ticket was one of the two he gave me, I didn't win off of the tickets I bought. (He asked me not to mention that to anyone.) It was a fun evening and I still cannot believe my luck. If only I could get that darn lottery ticket to match later tonight.
We spent the day at the Wisconsin State Fair. It was so early that there weren't that many people there. Since the exhibition hall was the closest building we started the day by weaving our way through all the vendors hocking their wares. It was all worthless junk, but fun to listen to the silly sales pitches that made the stuff seem worth while. The people watching is always a hoot as well.
It was barely 10:30 before we passed the margarita tent and I had to have one. After all, I am on vacation today. After I picked up the margarita we were ready for breakfast. I got a Wisconsin-made sausage while Jeff got the omelet. We had to get some milk as well. I tried chocolate malted milk for the first time and it was awesome. It was good to eat something hardy after the pre-breakfast tequila.
As we sat and ate our breakfast, an older couple (meaning older than us) sat down next to us. They were pushing a baby stroller that was holding a little boy who seemed not much more than a year old. They fed him a little spoon of plain ice cream and he seemed to gobble it up with delight. It made me cry. In one minute I was content, the next I was so sad, missing our baby Stephen so badly, missing the opportunity to take him to the fair. The heartbreak hit me hard.
I saw a woman eating the chocolate covered bacon. I wanted to try that until I saw her eating it, it looked gross. We turned the corner and as soon as I saw Slim McGinn's, I had to have the reuben on a stick. It was so good Jeff ordered one. I had a Harp and he had a bottle of water. The Harp was good. Beer at noon isn't a bad thing. At least not at the fair. From there we went through the Merchandise Mile (under the race track grandstand) just to work off the meat on a stick. 
It was barely 10:30 before we passed the margarita tent and I had to have one. After all, I am on vacation today. After I picked up the margarita we were ready for breakfast. I got a Wisconsin-made sausage while Jeff got the omelet. We had to get some milk as well. I tried chocolate malted milk for the first time and it was awesome. It was good to eat something hardy after the pre-breakfast tequila.
As we sat and ate our breakfast, an older couple (meaning older than us) sat down next to us. They were pushing a baby stroller that was holding a little boy who seemed not much more than a year old. They fed him a little spoon of plain ice cream and he seemed to gobble it up with delight. It made me cry. In one minute I was content, the next I was so sad, missing our baby Stephen so badly, missing the opportunity to take him to the fair. The heartbreak hit me hard.
I tried to move on but the image of the content, happy baby just stuck in my mind. We walked through the barns, checked out the sheep, chickens, cows, horses, and pigs. It was good to walk the food off. And the liquor. We went over to the horticultural building, which is my very favorite. It has all the winning entries for the foods and crafts. I love looking at the quilts.
After the quilts, we stopped at the DNR where I asked about getting rid of the hawk in the yard. The ranger told me what I already knew, stop feeding the birds if I want the hawk to go away. I was hoping for a miracle answer. At the House of Harley tent and chatted with a friend. He filled us in on his recent travels then we were off to look for Stonethrow Winery's booth. I passed the information tent to discover that they weren't there this year. The next stop was the WEnergies Park that had lots of information on going green. I picked up a brochure on rain barrels, saw a rain chain in action, and got idea for making my own version of a topsy turvy for tomato plants.
After the quilts, we stopped at the DNR where I asked about getting rid of the hawk in the yard. The ranger told me what I already knew, stop feeding the birds if I want the hawk to go away. I was hoping for a miracle answer. At the House of Harley tent and chatted with a friend. He filled us in on his recent travels then we were off to look for Stonethrow Winery's booth. I passed the information tent to discover that they weren't there this year. The next stop was the WEnergies Park that had lots of information on going green. I picked up a brochure on rain barrels, saw a rain chain in action, and got idea for making my own version of a topsy turvy for tomato plants.
I saw a woman eating the chocolate covered bacon. I wanted to try that until I saw her eating it, it looked gross. We turned the corner and as soon as I saw Slim McGinn's, I had to have the reuben on a stick. It was so good Jeff ordered one. I had a Harp and he had a bottle of water. The Harp was good. Beer at noon isn't a bad thing. At least not at the fair. From there we went through the Merchandise Mile (under the race track grandstand) just to work off the meat on a stick. 
We realized that we saw all there was to see. We hung out at a few stops to rest, and we were ready to go home. So we picked up a 6-pack of cream puffs and headed out.
There is a man at the end of our block who coaches a youth football team. All summer long he had a sign in his yard advertising team openings in the youth league. Since it is summer, I thought I would be looking at that sign for quite a while. But I noticed yesterday that it's not in the yard anymore. It's barely a day into August so it doesn't seem like it's time to think about football! Or is it time?
This neighbor/coach has a tractor that is rickety and makes a distinct clackety-clack when it goes by the house. He uses it to haul the football equipment from his home to the park. Our house is right between the two points so over the years it's become a traditional part of the end of summer - new school year - start of fall tradition. During football season, it goes by every week night and returns when the sun goes down. It's as constant as the smell of coffee in the morning.
Sadly, today the tractor went by. Just as I was starting to try not to notice that the sun is going down earlier and the school supplies are the main event in the Sunday paper's flyers, the sound hit me like the alarm going off on work days. It's just too soon to be thinking about fall and football and school days. I barely got used to the summer days. How quickly the seasons change. The funny thing is that the tractor is sort of soothing, like an old friend.
This neighbor/coach has a tractor that is rickety and makes a distinct clackety-clack when it goes by the house. He uses it to haul the football equipment from his home to the park. Our house is right between the two points so over the years it's become a traditional part of the end of summer - new school year - start of fall tradition. During football season, it goes by every week night and returns when the sun goes down. It's as constant as the smell of coffee in the morning.
Sadly, today the tractor went by. Just as I was starting to try not to notice that the sun is going down earlier and the school supplies are the main event in the Sunday paper's flyers, the sound hit me like the alarm going off on work days. It's just too soon to be thinking about fall and football and school days. I barely got used to the summer days. How quickly the seasons change. The funny thing is that the tractor is sort of soothing, like an old friend.
Compassionate Friends held a balloon launch to honor the children’s names that are being dedicated to the memorial ‘wall’. The term ‘wall’ is loosely defined as it is actually a circular granite bench that surrounds a mini-garden that is known as the memorial garden. Basically it’s a giant planter in the middle of the community center’s main sidewalk; it’s a pretty space and a nice space. Our sweet baby Stephen’s name was one of the new names engraved on this granite ‘wall’ so our balloon was launched honoring his memory.
Since we’re new to this experience, we didn’t really know what to expect. When we walked into the meeting room, the first person we encountered was a man who was Jeff’s umpire partner a few years back, Wayne. Jeff immediately approached him to find out his connection to this group and it turns out he is the brother-in-law to one of the Compassionate Friends co-leaders and he was asked to read the names of the children who were dedicated on the new wall.
After talking to Wayne, we went over to a table where they were selling blue rubber bracelets like the original LiveStrong ones. These ones are swirly blue and while like clouds and they say FORVER IN MY HEART flanked by a butterfly on each end. We bought two and the money goes to Compassionate Friends. The last table we stopped at had little square sheets of paper to write a message on. The idea was to write your message, roll it up, tie it to a balloon and send it up to heaven.
We were told ahead of time to bring a photo of our child so I brought the special photo/poem tribute that my friend Chris had a photographer make for me. I put it in a table top photo frame that would stand up easily. I found the table with all the photos; it was filled with candles, flowers, and many other children’s photos and I gently placed our baby’s picture among the rest. Bailee also brought a photo, one I had never seen before so I was pleasantly surprised. I didn’t think there would be something new I didn’t know about so this was wonderful to see. She had the photo in a gorgeous frame given to her by our friend, Midge.
We sat down by our friends, the Hortons, whose daughter died from MS in December. We chatted for a while, and then another CF member, Chris came and sat by us. Chris and his wife Kim lost their baby to Trisonomy 13, a genetic disease that only allowed him to live the first day after birth. Chris brought his parents along and he introduced them to all of us. Chris is connected to Jeff because they worked together at GE. I met him when we did the 2-day MS bike ride together on Team GE. Chris and Bailee were much more so connected by the loss of their children and at the end of this event they spent some quality time talking things out and catching up with the current events in their lives. I was glad both Bailee and Adam had Chris to connect with.
The program started with a greeting from the Compassionate Friends leader followed by a moving song about balloons to heaven. Wayne and the chapter co-leader took turns reading the new names then there was a 10-minute video that contained the photos of all the children honored over the years. I really did not want to see the video, the self-centered version of me felt this would be wasting my time since our baby boy would not be in it and even as the production started to roll, all I could think of was that I could have done a better job of putting together this thing. It was full of hokey misused transitions from photo to photo and it was on a video that you can purchase. Where’s the DVD version?
Then the photos became familiar. Too many babies, too many small children, and too many names that I knew! Young children and grown children, somebody’s children. I am humbled by the experience. By the time the video ended I felt compassion for all these people who attended. I thought of all those mothers and fathers and all that loss and that the loss was mine as well as theirs. I felt like I wasn’t alone in my grief.
I immediately filled out my note to heaven. I asked Bailee and Adam if they wanted to do the same and they declined. It was too hard for them. I asked Jeff if he wanted to do it and he said no, he says he sends a message to the baby daily so he didn’t see this as necessary. Sandy, Stephen’s other grandma picked out the balloon and I tied my note to it. I gave the balloon back to Sandy so she could release when it was time. By the time I finished writing my note, an ex-co-worker from years ago, Laurie approached me wanting to know why I was there. I explained that my daughter’s baby died from SIDS and she immediately hugged me then hugged Bailee twice. She said her friend’s son had died from a choking game where he hung himself. I told her I was there when the parents came to the first CF meeting and I told her I was sorry she had to be a part of all this grief as well.
After some volunteers handed us flowers we walked out to the memorial garden. Everyone gathered around to get ready to release the balloons. Bailee ran back in to the building to get the baby’s photos so we could beat the rush later. When Bailee came out Sandy gave the balloon back so she could release it. The queue was when the butterfly balloon goes up, and then we release the balloon. The group fell pretty silent as they all went up. It was an incredible sight. We didn’t stay to enjoy the camaraderie, it just felt right to go.
Since we’re new to this experience, we didn’t really know what to expect. When we walked into the meeting room, the first person we encountered was a man who was Jeff’s umpire partner a few years back, Wayne. Jeff immediately approached him to find out his connection to this group and it turns out he is the brother-in-law to one of the Compassionate Friends co-leaders and he was asked to read the names of the children who were dedicated on the new wall.
After talking to Wayne, we went over to a table where they were selling blue rubber bracelets like the original LiveStrong ones. These ones are swirly blue and while like clouds and they say FORVER IN MY HEART flanked by a butterfly on each end. We bought two and the money goes to Compassionate Friends. The last table we stopped at had little square sheets of paper to write a message on. The idea was to write your message, roll it up, tie it to a balloon and send it up to heaven.We were told ahead of time to bring a photo of our child so I brought the special photo/poem tribute that my friend Chris had a photographer make for me. I put it in a table top photo frame that would stand up easily. I found the table with all the photos; it was filled with candles, flowers, and many other children’s photos and I gently placed our baby’s picture among the rest. Bailee also brought a photo, one I had never seen before so I was pleasantly surprised. I didn’t think there would be something new I didn’t know about so this was wonderful to see. She had the photo in a gorgeous frame given to her by our friend, Midge.
We sat down by our friends, the Hortons, whose daughter died from MS in December. We chatted for a while, and then another CF member, Chris came and sat by us. Chris and his wife Kim lost their baby to Trisonomy 13, a genetic disease that only allowed him to live the first day after birth. Chris brought his parents along and he introduced them to all of us. Chris is connected to Jeff because they worked together at GE. I met him when we did the 2-day MS bike ride together on Team GE. Chris and Bailee were much more so connected by the loss of their children and at the end of this event they spent some quality time talking things out and catching up with the current events in their lives. I was glad both Bailee and Adam had Chris to connect with.
The program started with a greeting from the Compassionate Friends leader followed by a moving song about balloons to heaven. Wayne and the chapter co-leader took turns reading the new names then there was a 10-minute video that contained the photos of all the children honored over the years. I really did not want to see the video, the self-centered version of me felt this would be wasting my time since our baby boy would not be in it and even as the production started to roll, all I could think of was that I could have done a better job of putting together this thing. It was full of hokey misused transitions from photo to photo and it was on a video that you can purchase. Where’s the DVD version?
Then the photos became familiar. Too many babies, too many small children, and too many names that I knew! Young children and grown children, somebody’s children. I am humbled by the experience. By the time the video ended I felt compassion for all these people who attended. I thought of all those mothers and fathers and all that loss and that the loss was mine as well as theirs. I felt like I wasn’t alone in my grief.
I immediately filled out my note to heaven. I asked Bailee and Adam if they wanted to do the same and they declined. It was too hard for them. I asked Jeff if he wanted to do it and he said no, he says he sends a message to the baby daily so he didn’t see this as necessary. Sandy, Stephen’s other grandma picked out the balloon and I tied my note to it. I gave the balloon back to Sandy so she could release when it was time. By the time I finished writing my note, an ex-co-worker from years ago, Laurie approached me wanting to know why I was there. I explained that my daughter’s baby died from SIDS and she immediately hugged me then hugged Bailee twice. She said her friend’s son had died from a choking game where he hung himself. I told her I was there when the parents came to the first CF meeting and I told her I was sorry she had to be a part of all this grief as well.
After some volunteers handed us flowers we walked out to the memorial garden. Everyone gathered around to get ready to release the balloons. Bailee ran back in to the building to get the baby’s photos so we could beat the rush later. When Bailee came out Sandy gave the balloon back so she could release it. The queue was when the butterfly balloon goes up, and then we release the balloon. The group fell pretty silent as they all went up. It was an incredible sight. We didn’t stay to enjoy the camaraderie, it just felt right to go.
I won a travel gift certificate at last year's golf outing and all I remembered is that it expired before the next golf outing. So I had a year to use it. Or so I thought. The outing is always the third Wednesday in July and for some reason I had it stuck in my head that I had that long to use it. Seeing the the outing is just a week and a half away, I better use the thing now. So I dug it out of my important papers, opened it and discovered that it expired on Friday! Oh my God, I just let $600 slip through my fingers. I couldn't believe I could be so stupid.
So I called the travel agent and told them my dilemma and they graciously agreed to extend the expiration date for six more months. I was extremely grateful but I also told them I would be there before the end of the day. I had to finally decide. As crazy as it sounds, making this travel decision was terribly difficult. Ever since I won it, I found it almost a burden to try to spend it wisely. And since January, I have been consumed with grief making it impossible to decide what to do with the prize travel money. Today was the turning point, letting it slip through my fingers is a terrible waste, one that I could not afford. For months I thought about Alaskan cruises, tropical vacations, even spending it on a trip to a Packer game in a warm state in winter. I just had so much trouble. But in the back of my mind I have always wanted to go to the Charles M Schulz museum. It seems frivilous to travel all the way to Santa Rosa, California to see Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the rest of the gang that I love so much. The justification came when I reminded myself that this was a prize, a prize I won and I could do what I wanted with.
When we got to the travel office, the agent reiterated that we could extend the gift certificate for six more months so I really didn't have to decide today. I told her that would mean I would be back there in six months asking for another extension, so I need to get this done. I explained my desire to see the museum to the travel agent, she turned to her computer typed a few lines and said, "You're going on a wine country tour, and staying in the Sonoma Valley. I have a 4-star hotel for you 6 miles from the Charles M Schulz museum. Is that OK?"
"Umm, yeah", I said.
Jeff says half-heartedly, "So we're gonna do Sideways?"
Sure looks that way. After a few scenarios through three different California airports, all close to Santa Rosa, the travel agent gets us into San Francisco by 11am so we have lots of time to drive 50 minutes to Santa Rosa before rush hour.
Jeff says, "We are going to Fisherman's Wharf for lunch!" Now there's enthusiasm in his voice.
The travel agent mentions Muir woods, many wine tastings, and driving to the ocean. There are plenty of things to do besides the museum and that cheers us both up. The trip doesn't feel so frivolous any more.
I have a sense of relief for finally deciding, and actually feel like there's something to look forward to. I'm glad I got this done.
So I called the travel agent and told them my dilemma and they graciously agreed to extend the expiration date for six more months. I was extremely grateful but I also told them I would be there before the end of the day. I had to finally decide. As crazy as it sounds, making this travel decision was terribly difficult. Ever since I won it, I found it almost a burden to try to spend it wisely. And since January, I have been consumed with grief making it impossible to decide what to do with the prize travel money. Today was the turning point, letting it slip through my fingers is a terrible waste, one that I could not afford. For months I thought about Alaskan cruises, tropical vacations, even spending it on a trip to a Packer game in a warm state in winter. I just had so much trouble. But in the back of my mind I have always wanted to go to the Charles M Schulz museum. It seems frivilous to travel all the way to Santa Rosa, California to see Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the rest of the gang that I love so much. The justification came when I reminded myself that this was a prize, a prize I won and I could do what I wanted with.
When we got to the travel office, the agent reiterated that we could extend the gift certificate for six more months so I really didn't have to decide today. I told her that would mean I would be back there in six months asking for another extension, so I need to get this done. I explained my desire to see the museum to the travel agent, she turned to her computer typed a few lines and said, "You're going on a wine country tour, and staying in the Sonoma Valley. I have a 4-star hotel for you 6 miles from the Charles M Schulz museum. Is that OK?" "Umm, yeah", I said.
Jeff says half-heartedly, "So we're gonna do Sideways?"
Sure looks that way. After a few scenarios through three different California airports, all close to Santa Rosa, the travel agent gets us into San Francisco by 11am so we have lots of time to drive 50 minutes to Santa Rosa before rush hour.
Jeff says, "We are going to Fisherman's Wharf for lunch!" Now there's enthusiasm in his voice.
The travel agent mentions Muir woods, many wine tastings, and driving to the ocean. There are plenty of things to do besides the museum and that cheers us both up. The trip doesn't feel so frivolous any more.
I have a sense of relief for finally deciding, and actually feel like there's something to look forward to. I'm glad I got this done.
So there's this sink. Actually, it's not a sink, it's a bathroom counter top with the center cut out where there used to be a sink.
The sink is pink. Actually it's not pink, it's mauve. OK, so I call the mauve countertop a pink sink. I think pink sink has a better ring to it.
The pink sink has been leaning up against the neighbor's deck since October, 2007. Yes, it's been there approximately 643 days, but I'm not counting. I'm complaining, not counting.
Last year, my son bought me a lilac bush for Mothers' Day - the idea was to hide the view of the pink sink. Six weeks later at his graduation party, he offered to steal the pink sink. In their inebriated state, his friends would help him take it away late in the evening. I said absolutely NOT. What if they got caught? I have to live next to these people so that would suck. Right after his graduation party, he moved to the west coast. He came home the week of Memorial Day for vacation and he noticed the pink sink, looked at me and said, "I would have gotten rid of that, but you wouldn't let me, remember?" Yes, I remember.
The neighbor on the other side of me noticed the pink sink. She is pretty particular, so I'm not surprised. She asked me, "What's with the sink?" OK, she said countertop but I prefer sink. When I told her how long it was there, she seemed more annoyed than I was.
It's like a redneck backyard, the pallets piled up, the old bricks in a toppled stack, the half-opened bags of sand, none of that matters, just that damn sink. I know it's not rational, but I love sitting outside to enjoy the view, how green and lush everything is and then there's that pink sink.
The sink is pink. Actually it's not pink, it's mauve. OK, so I call the mauve countertop a pink sink. I think pink sink has a better ring to it.
The pink sink has been leaning up against the neighbor's deck since October, 2007. Yes, it's been there approximately 643 days, but I'm not counting. I'm complaining, not counting.
Last year, my son bought me a lilac bush for Mothers' Day - the idea was to hide the view of the pink sink. Six weeks later at his graduation party, he offered to steal the pink sink. In their inebriated state, his friends would help him take it away late in the evening. I said absolutely NOT. What if they got caught? I have to live next to these people so that would suck. Right after his graduation party, he moved to the west coast. He came home the week of Memorial Day for vacation and he noticed the pink sink, looked at me and said, "I would have gotten rid of that, but you wouldn't let me, remember?" Yes, I remember.
The neighbor on the other side of me noticed the pink sink. She is pretty particular, so I'm not surprised. She asked me, "What's with the sink?" OK, she said countertop but I prefer sink. When I told her how long it was there, she seemed more annoyed than I was.
It's like a redneck backyard, the pallets piled up, the old bricks in a toppled stack, the half-opened bags of sand, none of that matters, just that damn sink. I know it's not rational, but I love sitting outside to enjoy the view, how green and lush everything is and then there's that pink sink.
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