R.I.P. Toby

Today I had to put my kitty to sleep. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. He's been so sick that I carry him around for most of the day. Over the last three days, he just lays in one spot and doesn't move. He can barely pick up his back legs and he has stopped eating again. I've known it's time since yesterday but I just struggle to make that call. I took this photo of him as a reminder of how sick he looks.

Today I got up and checked on my kitty and he was laying in his usual spot. I poured myself a cup of coffee only to turn around and witness him having a seizure.  His little body went stiff and tremored for what seemed like forever.  Once his body relaxed I picked him up and held him as usual. He looked so confused. I rocked him in the rocking chair from that moment until almost noon. I decided to set him down on his blanket while I did a few chores. I left him alone for about an hour. When I came back to him he was trying to crawl using his front paws but his back ones just laid there. I propped his legs up and he immediately fell. So I made the call. I called Jeff and told him I have an appointment at 5:10 this afternoon.  He said he would make sure he was home in time to come with me.

When Jeff got home it was 4:00. I had held Toby all day except for that one hour, and he never attempted to wiggle off my lap. He went from sleeping in my arms to just looking at me. Not that he could see me since he was blind. It was as if he was asking for help. When Jeff got home, I set Toby on the carpet and he just laid there. I tried to physically stand him up and he did stand there.  When he made an effort to walk, his paws bent backwards with each step like he didn't even know they were there and there was no muscle control of them. I handed him to Jeff, I knew he wanted some cuddle time before we left to see Dr. Nick.

When we got to the vet we were whisked into a room and Dr. Nick came in to talk.  We went over the events of the past few weeks and he gave us his sympathy and told me I was doing the right thing.  Dr. Nick waited patiently until I was ready to hand Toby over. I kissed him on the head and told him I was so very sorry this had to happen to him. Jeff said his goodbyes and set him down in front of Dr. Nick.  Dr. Nick explained what would happen next so we were prepared and within minutes Toby was gone. The doctor left the room and let us stay with Toby for as long as we wanted.  I was prepared to put Toby to sleep, I realized I was preparing all week for this moment.  What I wasn't prepared for was leaving his body behind. It was hard to leave him. We were having a private cremation so I had to take comfort in getting his cremains back in a few days.

It will take a long time to get over our loss.

Rest In Peace Toby