Compassionate Friends Balloon Launch

Compassionate Friends held a balloon launch to honor the children’s names that are being dedicated to the memorial ‘wall’. The term ‘wall’ is loosely defined as it is actually a circular granite bench that surrounds a mini-garden that is known as the memorial garden. Basically it’s a giant planter in the middle of the community center’s main sidewalk; it’s a pretty space and a nice space. Our sweet baby Stephen’s name was one of the new names engraved on this granite ‘wall’ so our balloon was launched honoring his memory.
Since we’re new to this experience, we didn’t really know what to expect. When we walked into the meeting room, the first person we encountered was a man who was Jeff’s umpire partner a few years back, Wayne. Jeff immediately approached him to find out his connection to this group and it turns out he is the brother-in-law to one of the Compassionate Friends co-leaders and he was asked to read the names of the children who were dedicated on the new wall.
After talking to Wayne, we went over to a table where they were selling blue rubber bracelets like the original LiveStrong ones. These ones are swirly blue and while like clouds and they say FORVER IN MY HEART flanked by a butterfly on each end. We bought two and the money goes to Compassionate Friends. The last table we stopped at had little square sheets of paper to write a message on. The idea was to write your message, roll it up, tie it to a balloon and send it up to heaven.

We were told ahead of time to bring a photo of our child so I brought the special photo/poem tribute that my friend Chris had a photographer make for me. I put it in a table top photo frame that would stand up easily. I found the table with all the photos; it was filled with candles, flowers, and many other children’s photos and I gently placed our baby’s picture among the rest. Bailee also brought a photo, one I had never seen before so I was pleasantly surprised. I didn’t think there would be something new I didn’t know about so this was wonderful to see. She had the photo in a gorgeous frame given to her by our friend, Midge.

We sat down by our friends, the Hortons, whose daughter died from MS in December. We chatted for a while, and then another CF member, Chris came and sat by us. Chris and his wife Kim lost their baby to Trisonomy 13, a genetic disease that only allowed him to live the first day after birth. Chris brought his parents along and he introduced them to all of us. Chris is connected to Jeff because they worked together at GE. I met him when we did the 2-day MS bike ride together on Team GE. Chris and Bailee were much more so connected by the loss of their children and at the end of this event they spent some quality time talking things out and catching up with the current events in their lives. I was glad both Bailee and Adam had Chris to connect with.

The program started with a greeting from the Compassionate Friends leader followed by a moving song about balloons to heaven. Wayne and the chapter co-leader took turns reading the new names then there was a 10-minute video that contained the photos of all the children honored over the years. I really did not want to see the video, the self-centered version of me felt this would be wasting my time since our baby boy would not be in it and even as the production started to roll, all I could think of was that I could have done a better job of putting together this thing. It was full of hokey misused transitions from photo to photo and it was on a video that you can purchase. Where’s the DVD version?

Then the photos became familiar. Too many babies, too many small children, and too many names that I knew! Young children and grown children, somebody’s children. I am humbled by the experience. By the time the video ended I felt compassion for all these people who attended. I thought of all those mothers and fathers and all that loss and that the loss was mine as well as theirs. I felt like I wasn’t alone in my grief.

I immediately filled out my note to heaven. I asked Bailee and Adam if they wanted to do the same and they declined. It was too hard for them. I asked Jeff if he wanted to do it and he said no, he says he sends a message to the baby daily so he didn’t see this as necessary. Sandy, Stephen’s other grandma picked out the balloon and I tied my note to it. I gave the balloon back to Sandy so she could release when it was time. By the time I finished writing my note, an ex-co-worker from years ago, Laurie approached me wanting to know why I was there. I explained that my daughter’s baby died from SIDS and she immediately hugged me then hugged Bailee twice. She said her friend’s son had died from a choking game where he hung himself. I told her I was there when the parents came to the first CF meeting and I told her I was sorry she had to be a part of all this grief as well.
After some volunteers handed us flowers we walked out to the memorial garden. Everyone gathered around to get ready to release the balloons. Bailee ran back in to the building to get the baby’s photos so we could beat the rush later. When Bailee came out Sandy gave the balloon back so she could release it. The queue was when the butterfly balloon goes up, and then we release the balloon. The group fell pretty silent as they all went up. It was an incredible sight. We didn’t stay to enjoy the camaraderie, it just felt right to go.

Travel decision is done

I won a travel gift certificate at last year's golf outing and all I remembered is that it expired before the next golf outing. So I had a year to use it. Or so I thought. The outing is always the third Wednesday in July and for some reason I had it stuck in my head that I had that long to use it. Seeing the the outing is just a week and a half away, I better use the thing now. So I dug it out of my important papers, opened it and discovered that it expired on Friday! Oh my God, I just let $600 slip through my fingers. I couldn't believe I could be so stupid.

So I called the travel agent and told them my dilemma and they graciously agreed to extend the expiration date for six more months. I was extremely grateful but I also told them I would be there before the end of the day. I had to finally decide. As crazy as it sounds, making this travel decision was terribly difficult. Ever since I won it, I found it almost a burden to try to spend it wisely. And since January, I have been consumed with grief making it impossible to decide what to do with the prize travel money. Today was the turning point, letting it slip through my fingers is a terrible waste, one that I could not afford. For months I thought about Alaskan cruises, tropical vacations, even spending it on a trip to a Packer game in a warm state in winter. I just had so much trouble. But in the back of my mind I have always wanted to go to the Charles M Schulz museum. It seems frivilous to travel all the way to Santa Rosa, California to see Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the rest of the gang that I love so much. The justification came when I reminded myself that this was a prize, a prize I won and I could do what I wanted with.
When we got to the travel office, the agent reiterated that we could extend the gift certificate for six more months so I really didn't have to decide today. I told her that would mean I would be back there in six months asking for another extension, so I need to get this done. I explained my desire to see the museum to the travel agent, she turned to her computer typed a few lines and said, "You're going on a wine country tour, and staying in the Sonoma Valley. I have a 4-star hotel for you 6 miles from the Charles M Schulz museum. Is that OK?"

"Umm, yeah", I said.

Jeff says half-heartedly, "So we're gonna do Sideways?"

Sure looks that way. After a few scenarios through three different California airports, all close to Santa Rosa, the travel agent gets us into San Francisco by 11am so we have lots of time to drive 50 minutes to Santa Rosa before rush hour.

Jeff says, "We are going to Fisherman's Wharf for lunch!" Now there's enthusiasm in his voice.

The travel agent mentions Muir woods, many wine tastings, and driving to the ocean. There are plenty of things to do besides the museum and that cheers us both up. The trip doesn't feel so frivolous any more.

I have a sense of relief for finally deciding, and actually feel like there's something to look forward to. I'm glad I got this done.

The pink sink

So there's this sink. Actually, it's not a sink, it's a bathroom counter top with the center cut out where there used to be a sink.

The sink is pink. Actually it's not pink, it's mauve. OK, so I call the mauve countertop a pink sink. I think pink sink has a better ring to it.

The pink sink has been leaning up against the neighbor's deck since October, 2007. Yes, it's been there approximately 643 days, but I'm not counting. I'm complaining, not counting.

Last year, my son bought me a lilac bush for Mothers' Day - the idea was to hide the view of the pink sink. Six weeks later at his graduation party, he offered to steal the pink sink. In their inebriated state, his friends would help him take it away late in the evening. I said absolutely NOT. What if they got caught? I have to live next to these people so that would suck. Right after his graduation party, he moved to the west coast. He came home the week of Memorial Day for vacation and he noticed the pink sink, looked at me and said, "I would have gotten rid of that, but you wouldn't let me, remember?" Yes, I remember.

The neighbor on the other side of me noticed the pink sink. She is pretty particular, so I'm not surprised. She asked me, "What's with the sink?" OK, she said countertop but I prefer sink. When I told her how long it was there, she seemed more annoyed than I was.

It's like a redneck backyard, the pallets piled up, the old bricks in a toppled stack, the half-opened bags of sand, none of that matters, just that damn sink. I know it's not rational, but I love sitting outside to enjoy the view, how green and lush everything is and then there's that pink sink.